In the previous section (All About Inner Parts), we mentioned "the part that is not a part." Richard Schwartz (creator of the Internal Family Systems [IFS] model that I mentioned in the previous section) has found that every person he's ever worked with has a True Self. It's in everyone, even if it's been covered up by wounded and protective inner parts.

My mission is to support you in discovering your True Self, listening more closely to your True Self, and living out the beauty, vitality, and wisdom that is already contained in your True Self. 

The True Self is why I don’t do a lot of assessment, goal-setting, and skill-building in my coaching. When you discover your True Self, learn how to relax into it, and live through it, you don't need all those conventional coaching tips & tricks. Your True Self will know exactly how to show up in any situation. 

Let's dig deeper. What exactly is this True Self?

Here are eight features of every single person's True Self:

1: Call it what you want

The True Self refers to the same thing that meditative traditions have called Ground of Awareness or various religious traditions have called Spirit, Divine Essence, Inner Light, Buddha-nature, or Atman. You can refer to it however you choose, but I'll call it True Self for the sake of consistency. 

2: It's universal

That's right. Every single person has a True Self that is full of love, connectedness, and wisdom (and more). But many of us have unhealed emotional wounds and reactive, protective parts that cover it up like clouds block the sun. 

But we're all born with a True Self and stays with us as long as our bodies are alive. It's useful to keep this in mind when we're confronted with particularly difficult people in our lives. They have the same beautiful essence that you do.

3: It can't be damaged or lost 

Schwartz and his colleagues found that even for patients and clients who'd been through the worst imaginable childhood trauma, the True Self was just as compassionate, loving, connected, and wise as anyone else's. 

No matter what you've been through to get here to this sentence, you can rest in the fact that your True Self is as perfect, full, and strong as the day you were born. 

4: It's always available

Obviously, we can all get triggered, lose our sh*t, and feel extremely low or intensely agitated. But even in our worst moments, our True Self is still right there with us, ready to comfort our triggered parts, and lead the way. 

It takes a lot of time letting your parts get to know and trust your True Self. But eventually, your parts will start to see that they don't have to do everything on their own. Especially in triggering or dark moments, your inner parts can learn to trust that your True Self has everything you need. 

5: It has all the resources your inner parts need 

Inner parts never go away. In fact, we need them to do all sorts of things in the world (your True Self won't do your taxes). But your inner parts need a lot of resources to do their work in a harmonious, easy, and effective way. 

They need resources like courage, compassion, perspective, and persistence. These are a few of the qualities we'll explore in our sessions together. You’ll discover that your inner parts can get everything they need, including love, attention, and validation from your True Self.

Here is a list of the qualities found in every True Self:

• Courage

• Compassion

• Connectedness

• Calmness

• Creativity

• Clarity

• Curiosity

• Presence

• Playfulness

• Perspective

• Persistence

• Passion

Your True Self, like a divine essence, has these in abundance. Your inner parts just need the time and patience to trust your True Self. 

6: You can't see it like the other parts

In our sessions together, I'll invite you to visualize an inner part. After you get to know your parts, visualizing them can become quite easy. But the True Self is not like other parts. 

It can't be seen because it is the core of your seeing. It can't be observed because it is the core of your observation. You can live through the True Self and can experience it by being in its flow. But you can't step back and witness it because your True Self is the one that steps back. 

This may all sound a bit (or a lot) woo-woo. But it's important because if, in any of the guided exercises, you are observing your True Self doing anything (like comforting a wounded part) then you can know that that's actually a manager part doing that comforting. 

If this all sounds confusing, then don't worry. It will make sense the more your parts get to know your True Self.

7: Curiosity is the easiest way to tell how connected you are to your True Self

If you can't see, observe, witness the True Self, then how can you tell if you're experiencing your True Self? The easiest test is to sense how much genuine, uncomplicated curiosity you have either internally or externally. 

Internally, you can check in on a difficult emotion, thought, or memory and sense what you're feeling about it. If it's resistance, a desire to control, or annoyance, then an inner part is activated. If you're feeling genuine curiosity, then you're in your True Self. 

8: You can spread its energy to others

Your True Self isn't just for you. When you experience and are living through it, it radiates out to others. You can also consciously choose to send True Self energy to those around you. You'll be surprised to see how others begin to relax and connect when you have a lot of True Self energy flowing.